Absurd Charges Part 9 - I'm Offended!

This Week's Actual Example

The Scene:

A doctor, on call, goes out to dinner with his wife in Northbridge, Perth. Makes the reasonably significant mistake of dining at a pub full of Pissed Violent Idiots ("PVI's"). Realises mistake, eats fast and leaves. Upon walking into the street, bumps into a PVI from the pub who turns and immediately swings a wild punch. Doctor falls over. Security call police.

The conversation after that went something like this:

Sober Doctor: "I'm so glad you have arrived, officer, that drunken idiot there just hit me in the nose for no apparent reason. I would like to charge him with assault."

Police Officer 1 (to Security Guard): "What happened here?"

Security Guard: "I didn't see nuthin, I was inside patrolling..."

Sober Doctor: "I am telling you this gentleman here assaulted me (gesturing to bleeding nose). Look! I have a broken nose! And I should know! I'm a doctor..."

Police Officer 2 (to PVI): "Did you do that?" (gesturing to said broken nose).

PVI: "No way, this faggot fell over after he bumped into me." PVI starts walking away.

Sober Doctor (losing his cool): "You f*&&^^ing liar! Officer, please arrest him before he gets away! He assaulted me!"

Police Officer 1: "There's no need to swear, Sir". Both officers turn to Sober Doctor with reproachful looks and shake their respective heads. Meanwhile, PVI leaves, untroubled by his actions and unmolested by the Law.

Sober Doctor: "Are you f%^%$$##ing mad? Can't you see I've been assaulted?"

Sober Doctor's Sober Wife: "What is wrong with you people? You're letting him get away! That f*(&&^%%ing pr*&##@@k just hit my husband!"

Police Officer 1: "Any more swearing and there will be trouble. There's just no need for that."

Sober Doctor: "No need!? What the f#@!! is wrong with you? This f@##@!!ing c*&^^%$$ has fu%$$#@@ing hit me in the f&^%%$##@ing face and broken my f^%%^$#@!!ing..."

Sober swearing Doctor is tackled to the ground by Police Officers 1 and 2. Charged with resist arrest and offensive language. Wife also charged with offensive language.

PVI walks home and passes out.

Court Dude walks in and goes to work...